The Lunch Date from Hell

 I know you're all on the edges of your seats waiting to hear how my date with "J" 42 went! All I can say is UGH!!! "J"s first comment to me was, "Wow, you're skinnier that I thought you'd be ..." Excuse me??? Do I sound chubby on the phone????? He then proceeded to insult my footwear ... which I think we all know is a huge no-no in Lucy Land ... and really, what living, breathing man doesn't appreciate a woman in tall black boots? So I spent the better part of an hour nodding politely as he talked about what a good person he is and how many first dates he's been on ... you'd think he'd have learned by now???? At the end of the date he said he MIGHT call me ... almost as if he'd be doing me a favor ... before I go plant myself next to the phone, I have to share this little doozie with you ... "M" 40 writes:

"Hello There, My name is Mike and I am here to sweep you off your feet! -Got a dustpan?
However, I will need your help with this matter.
Kisses, "M" :-)"

I think if I owned a dustpan I would invite "M" over, just so I could smack him upside the head with it ...