Oprah, tell me what to do!

Last night I met a new prospect "D" 47 for a drink. After watching the Oprah episode about the very choosy 40-something year old woman who was trying to find a man, I decided that if I'm going to find love, I may need to relax my standards a little.

So I strapped on my black boots and tried my best not to nitpick poor "D" to death ... but I did notice a few things:

When I walked in, I nearly crashed straight into a good male friend ... so I stopped for a quick chat. "D" was quick to make a crack about me talking to another guy. And when "D" realized I knew a few people at the bar, he said he was ready to go, but I was "welcome to stay" ... hmmmm.

"D" also managed to bring up his ex's in conversation more times that I cared to count.

I only had one drink, and he didn't even make an offer to pay for it.

Although it was a very cold night and "D" knew full well that I'd walked to the restaurant (and I don't live in the greatest of neighborhoods), he didn't offer me a ride home.

Don't get me wrong, "D" had good qualities ... he was interesting, artistic, and he liked my boots. But is that enough? So my dear readers, I ask you, am I being too picky ... or is this the norm in today's dating world?

Foreigners Need Not Apply!

 Not much action on Match.com lately, but this little doozie appeared in my inbox last night:

"M" 41 writes: 

"Wow...You Are So Cute! [Cute? I have been called many things, but "cute" is certainly not one of them!]

Hello There, 

How have you been doing? I've been busy lately...too busy! Work has been really crazy, but I suppose in these times, I'm lucky to have a job! What have you been up to?
Kisses, Mike:-)" [Kisses? Really?]


But since I was a little bored, I checked his profile:

 "I am looking for a an attractive women [after further reading, I noticed he only wants a woman with a "slender" body type. Deep guy, this "M"] who has a vibrant personality! Someone who would enjoy snuggling with me. [Gaaaag] I also have a weakness for back rubs and giving them too! PLEASE DO NOT WRITE TO ME IF YOU DO NOT LIVE IN THE USA" 

I guess I should be flattered that "M" (a wussy-looking little man in a cheap shirt) finds me acceptable ... but for some reason his message just makes me queasy. Sorry bitches, I don't think I can take this one for the team!








 

Holi-Date!

You might recall "E" from the post about the guy who asked me if my picture was real or Photoshop'd ... I told him it was all fake. I guess "E" appreciates a girl with a biting wit, because he asked me if I'd like to meet him for a drink. Since the place he suggested was less than 5 minutes from my house, I figured, why not? (The things I do to entertain my Bitches!!!!).

As I was hobbling to my car (over ice and snow in 18 degree weather), "E" called to tell me he was running late and suggested a new meeting time. I arrived at the place, only to have "E" call as I was walking in to tell me he would be another 10 minutes. So alone I sat, updating my Facebook status (where my loyal supporters told me to forget about this one) until he finally showed up, all apologies (and excuses).

"E" was a nice looking, clean cut guy, but I'm pretty sure he lied about his height buy a few inches. He did most of the talking ... including making fun of the waitress. He looked at me like I was an uncultured hick when I told him I don't much care for Broadway musicals ... but I got the feeling that he's one of those people who goes to see theater, art and music just to say he did, not because he feels passionate about it. I could be wrong though ...

To "E"s credit, he paid for my drink, and even gave me a little gift at the end of the date.

All in all, not a bad time, but a few red flags ... but my InBox was full this morning, so let's see who else is out there, alone and desperate during this magical Holiday season!

Merry Xmas my friends!!!

Nothing good can come of this ...

I've been exchanging emails with "J" 42 for a few weeks, and now he's asked to meet me ("Come out an play" were his exact words ...). He seemed like a cool guy from his profile on Match.com ... self-employed, divorced, active, etc. Last night we spoke on the phone to arrange a lunch date for today ... and boy am I sorry I agreed to this!

"J" has a horrible opinion of women. He seemed extremely concerned about my weight (Match asks for your height and type of build, not actual poundage) ... I told him that I'm pretty small, and he fired back with "Normal women are about 5'-3"-5'-4", so you're not small." Um, OK, I guess not ... then he seemed offended that I wouldn't reveal my weight, so I told him I weigh 274 lbs., and I think he actually got a little nervous.

After the weight issue was dead, he moved on to the Predator issue ... seems there are lots of women on Match who, gasp, expect the man to pay for dinner! The nerve of these women! How dare they! I'm sure "J" and his kind think nothing of asking these women to perform all sorts of unnatural sexual acts, but God forbid they fork over a few bucks for a meal. So I take it I'll be buying my own lunch today ...

"J" went on to tell me that he deleted his profile info from Match because he was overwhelmed with winks and emails from potential stalkers, gold diggers and other "dangerous" she wolf types ... over 500 hundred per month!!!! Finally I had to point out to him that Match.com poses very little real threat for men ... after all, how many female serial killers or rapists do you hear about? He's still convinced that danger lurks behind each little wink.

I guess I should have told "J" that I don't think we need to waste time meeting, but let's face it ... I need material for this blog, so I asked him to meet me where I work. He seemed very uncomfortable with the idea (but "J", it's proof that I have a JOB and can afford my own food!!!) and mentioned something about "crapping where you eat" that I didn't really understand ... but reluctantly agreed to meet me in the parking lot.

What do you think he'd say if I "forgot" my purse?

Date #3!

Against my better judgment, I accepted an offer for a date with "E" 46 (The "Sweet Angel" Guy). We'd talked on the phone a couple of times, and despite his sappy profile, he sounded like a decent, hardworking guy ... he's self-employed, has one child and one dog, is about to be divorced and wants to be friends before anything else ...

"E" had told me ahead of time that he wasn't going to make any special effort in his pre-date preparations ... he wanted me to see him at his worst, and he figured if I liked that, I'd really like him dressed up! He didn't disappoint ... he was wearing a baseball cap and gym shoes ... but I still found him to be a pretty attractive specimen and I'm sure he'd clean up very nicely!

The first few minutes were a little uncomfortable ... I zipped my scarf into my boot and "E" has issues with his car lights ... but after that things were fine. "E" was even understanding when I sent my dinner to be remade after it arrived covered in meat ... usually men are embarrassed when I do that, so bonus points for "E".

Our date was cut short when one of "E"s employees called him with an emergency (or was it a set up to rescue him from a bad date? Hmmmmm ... ) but he did ask me if I'd like to go out again, and to my surprise (he has a kid AND a dog after all), I said Yes. If it doesn't work out, there's always this guy:

"P" 43 writes:

u
r
p-retty---------

Ummmm, ok ... why do I find that soooo creepy??????

Round 2

Just back from having a drink with "S" 44 who I met on match.com. Oddly, I can't really come up with anything bad to say about him ... he was actually better looking than his photo, and tall too!

That said, I'm pretty certain he'll not contact me again ... but if nothing else, "S" gives me hope that there still are a few single, attractive, child-free men left in the world.

Why look what just came in ... a response to the thank-you email I sent "S" after our date:

"I also raelly [sic] enjoyed talking to you as you seem to be a nice sensible mature woman."

Mature? Oh no, he did not!

Um, I'm Back Already ...

Well, "T" 46 put up with me for exactly one hour (to the minute!) ... during which time he kind of stared at me with a strange expression on his face ... maybe he was distracted by the giant zit that appeared on my cheek right before I left to meet him???

To T's credit, he looked exactly like his photos ... not half bad, but in need of a little dose of Queer Eye for sure. The clothes would have been suitable for a man 15 years older ... and I'm sorry, but I don't think it's OK to wear running shoes on a date ... unless you're actually going running ... which if you're dating me, you won't be doing. And he's really into dancing ... swing and salsa to be exact. He actually suggested that I give it a try ... even after I told him about my unbelievable lack of coordination ... perhaps T enjoys watching women fall down?

A few things bothered me about T's manners ... when I got to the coffee place, T aready had coffee in hand, because the place was closing and he didn't want to miss out. And he didn't once open a door for me ... but to his credit, he did pay for my drink and he seemed concerned about me walking home alone in the dark.

But the worst thing was when, right in the middle of our conversation, he announced that he was ready to go home ... and off he went ... Oooh, I'll bet he rocks those running shoes so he can make a quick getaway ...

All in all, not a terrible hour ... but I don't think T and I will be "swinging" together any time soon.