A Christmas Poem

Got this sweet little message today:
"Hello There, You are so very cute & attractive, all I want for Christmas is You!
I think we have a lot in common, don't you think so too? -- xoxo M"

(Did you catch the rhyme? So clever!)

And wow, all he wants for Christmas is me ... so I won't have to get him anything ... perfect! I rushed right to the profile to check out the "lot" we have in common. Hmmm ... he's short, I'm not. He has a dog, I don't (they bite me!). He likes snuggling ... I'm going to puke.

The Way to My Heart? Good Grammar!

This brainchild sent me a message, then promptly closed his account, leaving me to wonder what might have been:

"So what is a guy to do to win the heart of a beauty such as yourself?"

Um, learn to proofread perhaps!

Around the Block One Too Many Times

Last night, in a fit of loneliness, I signed up for Plenty of Fish. The emails started pouring in after just 7 minutes ... Alert: Fresh Meat! But is it really?

Last November I blogged about a date with a guy "S" who was really nice but not for me. Since he was nice, I refrained from shredding him about the fact that all he could manage to talk about was how good-looking he used to be (he was blessed with movie star good looks, too pretty for moi) and Jesus.

I just received this:

"I Like your profile and think your [sic] an attractive woman." 

... so I took a peek at his profile. It was the same guy, same photos and all! So I wrote back to him and asked if we'd met before (knowing full well we had) and he said I must be CONFUSED!

And here I thought meeting me was a memorable occasion ...

Fix-up Gone Wrong

Yesterday I was lucky to be the photographer at the wedding of a wonderful couple ... the kind of couple that give me hope that some day I too will enjoy such happiness! This couple also seems to want me to find the joy that they have, because they wrangled up an eligible bachelor for me, and even seated me at his table! I was quite excited to meet him ... what better way to find love than to have the people who know you suggest a potential partner?! The fact the he was a cop raised a little red flag, but as my loyal followers know, I've been accused of being too picky ...

Fast forward to after the ceremony. Every time I perched myself in a good spot for photos of the ceremony, a man with a silly point & shoot camera would stand right over my shoulder and take his own photos. I kept moving to avoid him, but he either followed or stood somewhere in my shot.

After the ceremony, I started to do a few family photos on the church alter. As I attempted to corral the various family members, I realized that this loser had already taken it upon himself to begin photographing the groups in another part of the church with his silly little camera. Not only was this disrespectful to me, the HIRED photographer, but to the couple who was waiting to get to their reception. When he finally finished up, he stood over my shoulder and told me what I was doing wrong (which IMHO was nothing) and took his own shots. If it wasn't for my good manners and respect for a "house of God," I'm pretty sure I would have gone off on him.

You guessed it. That was my guy.

The thought of sitting next to this jerk for an entire four course dinner was enough to make me sick, but thank goodness for cater waitresses that treat vendors like trash .... she sat me in the corner with the cool folks from the band.

But it didn't end there! Ever the optimist, the bride marched up to me, pried my camera from my hands, and dragged me (I may have actually been kicking and screaming a little) over to Mr. Wonderful for a dance. After spending much of the reception trying to keep him and his little point & shoot out of my photos, all I really wanted to do was grab him by the throat and shake him, but by good manners prevailed and I tried to make polite conversation by asking him about his job, where he lived, etc. I guess I wasn't as chatty as I thought, because he scurried over to the sister of the bride and told her that I'm shy. I thought to myself, "Cool! He'll leave me alone and go find a more outgoing target!" No such luck. He hunted me down for another dance and some more uncomfortable conversation.

Happily the song was short (maybe my band friends saw my distress!) and I grabbed my equipment, said Goodbye to the happy couple and made a beeline for the door. I was nearly free when a cute old man who'd been sexually harassing women less than half his age all evening, hauled me to the dance floor for a polka. Dizzy from all the twirling, I staggered to my car and made my way home ... alone yet again.

It Just Keeps on Gettin' Better!

I guess I should give "M" 40 some credit for being honest, but seriously? SERIOUSLY???:

"Hi! Would you ever consider getting together with a married man?"

I have no words ...

They Like Me, They REALLY REALLY Like Me! Sniff ....

If it's not enough of a meat market out there, OKCupid evidently allows users to rate each other by attractiveness ... and the better you look, the better your matches will look! And it seems, I've made it to the top 50%! I feel so honored and blessed ... if you don't believe me, here's what they said:

We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid's most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know.

How can we say this with confidence? We've tracked click-thrus on your photo and analyzed other people's reactions to you in Quickmatch and Quiver.

. . .

Your new elite status comes with one important privilege:

You will now see more attractive people in your match results.

This new status won't affect your actual match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But the people we recommend will be more attractive. Also! You'll be shown to more attractive people in their match results.

. . .

Suddenly, the world is your oyster. Login now and reap the rewards. And, no, we didn't just send this email to everyone on OkCupid. Go ask an ugly friend and see.

My Money Troubles Are over

Robert here, has made me an offer no self-respecting girl should refuse, check it out!